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Love is... | mollyb1972's Blog


...nothing without TRUST, RESPECT, LOYALTY, COMMITMENT, FIDELITY.

 

For all those people out there who think their relationships can survive on love alone are blind and ignorant.  In my old age I have come to learn that you can love someone all day long but if they do not trust you - or you them - love will not keep the relationship going.  You can love someone all day long but if they do not respect you - or you them - love will not keep the relationship going.  You can love someone all day long but if they are not loyal and faithful to you - or you to them - love will not keep the relationship going.

I have loved too many men who claimed to love me back but they treated me badly.  I still loved them, I thought so anyway, but I came to resent them.  Fear them.  Mistrust them.  And eventually I became numb and indifferent.  My ex-husband once dragged me out of a mexican restaurant by my hair because I was having an after-work drink with a coworker/friend of mine who had just returned to work from maternity leave.  He didn't believe me and drove 40 miles to the place (it was down the street from my office) and turns out I wasn't lying but that didn't matter.  Rather than admit he was wrong in not trusting me he had to follow through.  I can't remember what excuse he made up for his behavior, that isn't important.  The man didn't trust me...and I had NEVER given him a reason not to.  I found out years later that for all the accusing he did to me for cheating on him he was the one having extra martial affairs. 

Probably that is an extreme case but lack of trust and disresepect come in many forms.  I challenge everyone to think for themselves and put it together.  If your gut is telling you something is wrong, probably something IS wrong!

And if your significant other isn't doing anything wrong that you can find - then I challenge you all to discover the source of your insecurities and fix them.  Happiness comes from within yourself.  There is no such thing as "you complete me".  Rather  I believe in "you compliment me".  No one makes you happy...they may make you HAPPIER but they aren't the sole reason for your happiness.  If you believe that than you need to soul search and find out how to be happy without validation.

I used to be a romantic-at-heart person and I got bit in the ass, more than once, for being so.  I learned from my mistakes - though it took a long time and continues to be a process, indeed I will always make mistakes and learn yet another lesson.  I have been blinded by love, recently even - but not so much that I didn't get sucked into something that I couldn't walk away from.  And each time I learn to trust my instincts even more.  So much so that I rarely question what "my gut" is telling me.  I've learned to distinguish my own unfounded insecurites from what is reality. 

Respect yourself.  Trust yourself.  Be loyal to yourself.  Love yourself.  When you can do that - other people will respect you, trust you, be loyal to you and love you.

 


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